I'm sitting here in the cafe on the base where I live. I know I need to write one of these blogs. It's been awhile. But all that swirls around in my head are the busy thoughts of a busy mind. I've journaled (for the first time in years, i might add) my thoughts, my dreams, every little piece of my mind and yet I can't seem to stop filling pages upon pages.
I don't think it's a bad thing. Quite the opposite actually. It's causing me to broaden my perspective on the world around me, to not just take things as people say them but to think and ponder it myself for awhile. It's changing me. It's causing me to read lots of books and articles, to talk to anyone that crosses my path. Not just "talk" but to discuss the deeper questions in life, to have real conversations. It's causing me to not just accept my life the way it is, but to dream and to allow others to dream.
And that is where I am, I'm dreaming. Creating vision. It's exhausting and incredible at the same time. When I start to let the possibilities about where God can take me, or the gifts He has given me to take me there, all of the sudden it seems like there is endless possibilities. One more step, one more idea, one more thing to work towards. It's breathtaking.
The little things and the small things both stand out to me now. One day I literally just wrote the little things I am thankful for down in my journal and the list surprised me. Here is an excerpt "Today I am thankful. Thankful for long weekends, for sunshine and rain, for a healthy body, for friends and family and an adventurous life. I'm thankful for joy, sadness, craziness and laughter. I'm thankful that right now I am sitting with the aroma of candles in the air, cocoa butter lotion on my skin, a journal in hand and chamomile/lemon tea to sip." So those things might not be the same things that you are thankful for. But I don't think I've ever just sat and let myself think about those things. I've never realised how incredible the little things in life are. Instead I worried over the fact that I didn't know how to get all the "big" things of my life in control.
A busy mind before meant I had a list of things to get done and I couldn't stop until I had completed them, my mind worried and got caught up in the task of just getting everything done so I could do something else. But then that would turn into a vicious cycle and I would never truly feel like anything was "done". I would just feel like things were never finished.
Today my mind is "busier" than ever before. It's not bad though, it means dreaming and making visions, and setting goals. But not ones that tie me down. Ones that set me free. There is freedom. Ahh that word, I never got it before.
I never got that letting go and just being spontaneous and daring and dreaming and jumping and letting God take control was freedom. To me it seemed just like letting someone else call the shots. To let someone else make decisions and only have a little bit of say in the matter. But I am realising that every day when my mind is busy and filled with thoughts, it's not a thing that chains me down anymore. It sets me free.
So today, I don't "know" any more about my future than I did yesterday. I still have a list of things to accomplish. But instead of that being a weight, it's freedom. It means the list will still be there tomorrow if I can't carry it all today. It means I won't ever really "know" my future but God knows it. So today I will keep on dreaming and growing and living wild because God has shown me what freedom means.
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