Why am I here?

I ask myself these kind of questions frequently.  Always checking in, always making sure that I’m doing the right thing. Am I in God’s will? Am I happy? Do I actually know what I’m doing? I am easily over occupied with where I am or what’s next that I forget why I am here sometimes. But there is a reason that I am here, and it’s not just because it is the “right thing to do.”

I waited and worked for almost a year so that I could serve here at YWAM Brisbane. I didn’t really know why, but if you would’ve asked me then I would’ve responded “I know it in my knower.” So here I am almost six months into my one year commitment and I still don’t know why I am here. I have been working and creating, but I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished what I am here for yet. I know there is something else that I am supposed to create that I haven’t yet. I don’t know what that is, and that irritates me. 

Maybe I’m placing too much pressure on myself? Maybe I’m not doing enough? What am I forgetting? Who am I not reaching out to? Who am I not listening to? Should I leave? 

There are so many questions and so little answers.

What I can answer is this: I am choosing to stay here. I am choosing to keep working even though I’m not quite sure. I am choosing to still push myself and my creative boundaries. I am choosing to be around people who will encourage me. I’m taking that irritation of the unknown and converting it into creativity. 

Maybe that’s why I am still here. Maybe he wants to build my character. Maybe it’s God looking out for me. Maybe I am here so I can create. Either way I am pushing through the doubt, not ignoring it. There are enough maybes to drown out any soul, but not mine. 

God has been teaching me the power of choice. Let your yes be yes and your no be no.  So when I ask myself “why am I here?” The answer is because I chose to be here, I choose to work hard and save, I chose to commit my time. It doesn’t always make sense and there seems to be an unlimited amount of choices out there, but that is what gives the power to our choices.

It may not seem like the best idea to ask such deep questions, but along the way you’ll find your doubts, your maybes, and your I don’t knows. Maybe you’ll find your answers as well. 

So go ahead, ask yourself, “Why am I here?”

Written by Isaac Tucker